Raising generous kids

Raising generous kids

The best and only good part in working late is walking into the house to witness the chaotic whirlwind of running screaming kids, a terrified cat and a laughing wife. Tonight was one of those nights, yet McKenzie my oldest, I guess, wanted to give me some subject matter to ponder yet again.

Imagine being a seven year old girl with twin three year old brothers... undoubtedly your probably thinking poor McKenzie!  Nope, she rocks.  I am greeted at the door by the boys, telling me in their three year old "twin" language that they just went trick-or-treating.  Yeah I was a little confused.

Upon inspection I noticed that they had plastic pumpkin candy-buckets with goodies in them.  Long story short, McKenzie had invited them to her room for trick-or-treating.  She had a hidden stash of candy in her room (yeah I know) that she decided to give to these little guys.  They were all excited - and she had a deep, joyful smiling face - a face full of grace.  Daddy's heart was melted.  That's just McKenzie - a loving, caring, giving, albeit crazy little girl!

I'm not sure how much credit or even if I should take any credit at all in McKenzie having the heart for giving that she does.  I'd like to think that Cathy and I have some tangible part in that beautiful aspect that helps to define her, but I must admit, I think she gets most of that from her Memere's.  

I wondered, will Ashton and Connor turn out the same way?  Is it inherit, learned behavior, spirit or something else?  It's all of it and more I think.
Love, caring, sharing and giving is learned by kids when they receive it and are given the opportunities to exercise those same gifts themselves. Sigmund Freud need not apply. 

"In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: It is more blessed to give than to receive." Acts 20:35

They are ALWAYS watching and eager to help

It's hard not to find joy in doing things for our kids.  Whether it's buying them a little something special, taking them out for a day of fun or playing in their homemade tent in the living room.  

Today while reading Randy Alcorn's book "Manging God's Money" he cautioned that when a child that has "all that they need and more", they might end up a spoiled kid and an under-performing adult.  But don't we want the best for our kids?  Of course we do, but we also want our kids also to have all the qualities that a loving, sharing, compassionate, hard working, polite and appreciative person can espouse.

Just because we may find all these qualities in one person rare these days,

doesn't mean that we can't help to foster one ourselves. 

Today I saw an outline by Dr. Paul Donahue, a clinical psychologist and author of "Parenting Without Fear," which provided some great tips on how to raise generous and compassionate kids.  

Here are some of his suggestions:

Teach giving, not taking - at home - If kids have opportunities to help at home and contribute in a way that they can, they will learn how good it feels to be givers, not takers.
One of the main ways kids can help out at home is helping in the kitchen.  Even young kids can make a real contribution to a family meal.  Stir the soup, set the table, help to bake cookies.  

Older kids can help their siblings: doing homework, reading to them, teaching them sports and games.  It's a great way to let kids know they're all in it together, rather than "every man for himself."

Teach kids about respect and caring and be a model yourself - In addition to teaching your kids how to speak to people (please and thank you) and teaching kids how to take turns and share, parents should always be a model themselves.  Respect for others equals caring and generosity of spirit.

You might have heard the phrase, "be polite to see polite."  Parents should always speak respectfully to others: to spouses, grandparents, teachers, babysitters, workmen, waiters.  Kids are always watching us.

Control your own frustrations in front of your kids, such as waiting in line patiently at the grocery store, not getting upset when a salesperson makes a mistake, or rolling our eyes at other parents whose kids are misbehaving.  Once again, your children are watching and they are ready to mimic your every eye roll.

Teach kids about contributing to the community - Teach kids the value of living generously through giving of their time and effort.

Kids will always benefit from a form of giving that has a personal touch.  Visiting an elderly neighbor or delivering meals to families will have a lasting impression on children.  So the next time your family is all together, consider taking a trip to the local food bank to serve together.  

Not only will this bring your family closer together, but it will inevitably grow the seeds of generosity within your children. 

Stewardship involves the recognition that everything we are, everything we have and everything we can do - is a gift.  A precious gift from God and one bought at a price.  

The best gift that we as parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, all of us can give - is to teach our children just how good "being good" can feel.  This way they will know the abundant joy that that those they are good to will feel themselves.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Memere' Boutin

The world's best bug hunt.

It has been said that the best teacher is someone that has "been there themselves."  Take for example a drug addiction counselor.  If you lived a pristine, all but perfect life and you  have never used drugs, never had withdrawal symptoms, what kind of drug counselor do you think you would make?

It's not that you don't care or don't want to help people, it's just that relating to one another would be very difficult, would it not?  

When I think about this topic I am reminded about the movie "Good Will Hunting."  A great movie.  In it you have the main character "Will" who comes from a poor part of "Southie" (South Boston).  He is experiencing a lot of pain from a tough childhood and even a tougher time finding his place in a polished, self serving world.  He soon meets a counselor who he is initially not impressed with at all.  He thinks that this shrink has no idea of where he's coming from.  After he learns that this guy is also from a tough part of town and has had a tragic life that makes Will's look like a fairly tale - he then relates and has an immediate and life changing bond.

In this blog I talk about Stewardship.  If I'm talking and teaching on the subject one would imagine that "this guy must be a good steward himself." I'd like to think that Cathy and I now fit that description.  Moreover, my new goal in life is to someday to hear "well done my good and faithful servant" more than anything.  But were we always the perfect stewards, not even close.  In fact if you were to measure my past Stewardship level on a sliding scale from 1 to 10 - I'd put myself around a 2 at most. So I wasn't a good steward, but hey I was a pretty good person and went to church on Sunday. So who cares?  Well, he does and he tells so in the Bible and in fact - more than any other topic.

Discovery is the best part!

My daughter McKenzie is your typical 100 miles-per-hour moving inquisitive kid. Always on the lookout for something cool to discover. This summer, has been the summer of bugs.  She has held captive more bugs than I can count and the jailhouse is still growing for these creepy crawly things. I noticed something about McKenzie - when she finds and captures a new bug, she has to tell all but the mailman about her discovery! Her excitement simply cannot be contained. She has the compulsorily desire to tell the world!  When I learned about and embraced Stewardship I felt the very same way. Excitement is contagious and we often share with others new discoveries by our nature.  Hence, show and tell.

I imagine that when I share to others my excitement about Stewardship they just might think "gee thanks for sharing."  In fact, had someone shared their excitement about Stewardship to me a few years back I might say "well that's nice - good for you" and go back to living my life.

Unlike a cool looking dragonfly that I can peer into McKenzie's jar and see and touch, I can't really put Stewardship in a jar and let people poke it to see what it does.  I guess it's something that you need to feel and see it's results before you can garner a McKenzie-like smile.

On a "bug hunt" you need to get your net, walk through the field and keep a keen eye on your potential discovery (victim).  There's a bit of a rush digging into the field and stalking your prey awaiting that moment of discovery when you can, with a big swat, snag your prize for the neighborhood to see.  I'll admit, selling the concept of going on a Stewardship hunt isn't nearly as exciting as hunting down a firefly - but I can tell you from experience the feeling you get when you catch it - is far more rewarding than the firefly, that will die no matter how well McKenzie cares for it.

As humans we have sensory abilities that really bring to life a new discovery. Seeing a caterpillar and feeling it crawl over your hands is something you just have to experience to really get excited and relate to it.  Sure McKenzie has books about bugs and she loves reading them (look at the pictures), but not to the point that she's running around the house saying "Dad, Dad you've got to see this!"  Yes seeing and feeling things are powerful senses and easy to immediately relate to.

You can't put it in a net, but you can see and feel it.

What if I told you that I have felt and seen Stewardship?  I know, the caged butterfly is far more exciting. But you can - really.  How do I know this?  Because I once was living a life in which I hadn't yet found it.  I had in a sense an empty net with no bugs in sight.  Not on the hunt however I did start to notice people who had caught it.  I was able to look at these people captivated by what they had caught and see their excitement.  They glowed as if they were the firefly.  I was able to plainly see how different they were and feel their generosity for myself firsthand. Seeing is believing...that's always been a bugger for the Christian telling others about their faith hasn't it?  But if we look at most Christians and just observe them you can see their joy, their peace and their glow.

Biblical stewardship is the use of God-given resources (time, talent, treasure, truth, relationships, etc.) for the accomplishment of God-given goals and objectives.

Another way to see Stewardship in action is to head to the local soup kitchen, youth ministry, or in the mission field.  Often when I ask people what is Stewardship they invariably answer - tithing.  They're partially right.  A good steward gives not only money, but time, talents, and love.  When I see people that are walking billboards of this behavior - they're like a shining light on a hill.  Being around them makes me want to be a better person and really that was where I had my first discovery.  I had seen it.

A little "light" reading.

It's a daunting task to start reading the bible isn't it? There are stories about man eating whales to the ocean being parted.  In today's times it's tough for many to grasp these stories. As I mature in my understanding of what is written I am able to understand what is literal and what is a parable.  Both have much to teach us.

You may not know this but the number one topic from cover to cover relates to money and Stewardship.  Numero Uno.  In fact if you take your net and hunt through the Bible you'll be amazed at just how much is in there about Stewardship.  So what do you get when you add all these messages up - what's the takeaway here?  It's simple and it encompasses a few key expectations from God:

• God asks for our "first fruits."  Meaning the very best and the first of our yield - not what's left over after the entertainment budget went over again.
• Jesus tells us plainly and through parables the importance of giving not only our tithe (10% of our gross income) as the Old Testament describes, but even more to those who are in need.
• Lastly, don't give out of guilt or begrudgingly as you won't stick with it and you will miss out on the good stuff.  Give with a joyful heart! When I see that check clear in my bank account it makes me smile! I did the Lord's will and I get to further his Kingdom and help those that he chooses.

The way we spend our money is a measure of our real priorities.
- MATTHEW 6:19-21

So let's say that you take the Stewardship challenge. Not just giving, but giving until it hurts.  From experience I can tell you that when Cathy and I started to tithe - some days it hurt!  We would look at the check we just wrote in the church parking lot and had a "whew" look in our eyes.  Then you know what happened...we smiled and even laughed.  That's feeling!  We got the same goosebumps as you get when a caterpillar crawls up your arm.  We call them "God bumps."  However we experienced a sense of peace that I can't even describe.  

Two reasons we felt this joy: (1) We were following the command of God. (2) We knew that this money was going to help needy families, kids, missions in other countries - simply put - help others.  That felt good.  We also could see and hear about the people that we were helping.  Lastly we were amazed at just how fast God put that money right back in our pockets as if we never gave it in the first place.  Simply amazing.  

Keep in mind however Jesus isn't our genie.  Don't expect that just because you gave, Publishers Clearing House will be waiting with balloons when you get home from church.  He will however always give you what you need - I promise.  Instead we all need to keep an eternal and Biblical mindset.  If you are a Christian, you should believe that our time here on earth is only temporary and our real home is waiting.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  MATTHEW 6:19  

To live the charge that Jesus called us to in its entirety is hard.  In your quest to be good stewards just remember that "God owns it all."  We are but only his servants and his stewards.  When you really understand this, I mean feel it in your bones, not only will you give with a joyful heart - you also place far more respect of what you keep.  

Appreciation, admiration, gratefulness and joy that illuminate who you are (like a firefly) will now be what people who are on the hunt will see and so will God.

Written by Jeff Boutin

www.jpbfinancial.net