Thursday, September 27, 2012

Raising generous kids

Raising generous kids

The best and only good part in working late is walking into the house to witness the chaotic whirlwind of running screaming kids, a terrified cat and a laughing wife. Tonight was one of those nights, yet McKenzie my oldest, I guess, wanted to give me some subject matter to ponder yet again.

Imagine being a seven year old girl with twin three year old brothers... undoubtedly your probably thinking poor McKenzie!  Nope, she rocks.  I am greeted at the door by the boys, telling me in their three year old "twin" language that they just went trick-or-treating.  Yeah I was a little confused.

Upon inspection I noticed that they had plastic pumpkin candy-buckets with goodies in them.  Long story short, McKenzie had invited them to her room for trick-or-treating.  She had a hidden stash of candy in her room (yeah I know) that she decided to give to these little guys.  They were all excited - and she had a deep, joyful smiling face - a face full of grace.  Daddy's heart was melted.  That's just McKenzie - a loving, caring, giving, albeit crazy little girl!

I'm not sure how much credit or even if I should take any credit at all in McKenzie having the heart for giving that she does.  I'd like to think that Cathy and I have some tangible part in that beautiful aspect that helps to define her, but I must admit, I think she gets most of that from her Memere's.  

I wondered, will Ashton and Connor turn out the same way?  Is it inherit, learned behavior, spirit or something else?  It's all of it and more I think.
Love, caring, sharing and giving is learned by kids when they receive it and are given the opportunities to exercise those same gifts themselves. Sigmund Freud need not apply

"In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 
It is more blessed to give than to receive." Acts 20:35


They are ALWAYS watching and eager to help

It's hard not to find joy in doing things for our kids.  Whether it's buying them a little something special, taking them out for a day of fun or playing in their homemade tent in the living room.  

Today while reading Randy Alcorn's book "Manging God's Money" he cautioned that when a child that has "all that they need and more", they might end up a spoiled kid and an under-performing adult.  But don't we want the best for our kids?  Of course we do, but we also want our kids also to have all the qualities that a loving, sharing, compassionate, hard working, polite and appreciative person can espouse.

Just because we may find all these qualities in one person rare these days,
doesn't mean that we can't help to foster one ourselves

Today I saw an outline by Dr. Paul Donahue, a clinical psychologist and author of "Parenting Without Fear," which provided some great tips on how to raise generous and compassionate kids.  

Here are some of his suggestions:

Teach giving, not taking - at home - If kids have opportunities to help at home and contribute in a way that they can, they will learn how good it feels to be givers, not takers.
One of the main ways kids can help out at home is helping in the kitchen.  Even young kids can make a real contribution to a family meal.  Stir the soup, set the table, help to bake cookies.  

Older kids can help their siblings: doing homework, reading to them, teaching them sports and games.  It's a great way to let kids know they're all in it together, rather than "every man for himself."


Teach kids about respect and caring and be a model yourself - In addition to teaching your kids how to speak to people (please and thank you) and teaching kids how to take turns and share, parents should always be a model themselves.  Respect for others equals caring and generosity of spirit.

You might have heard the phrase, "be polite to see polite."  Parents should always speak respectfully to others: to spouses, grandparents, teachers, babysitters, workmen, waiters.  Kids are always watching us.

Control your own frustrations in front of your kids, such as waiting in line patiently at the grocery store, not getting upset when a salesperson makes a mistake, or rolling our eyes at other parents whose kids are misbehaving.  Once again, your children are watching and they are ready to mimic your every eye roll.

Teach kids about contributing to the community - Teach kids the value of living generously through giving of their time and effort.

Kids will always benefit from a form of giving that has a personal touch.  Visiting an elderly neighbor or delivering meals to families will have a lasting impression on children.  So the next time your family is all together, consider taking a trip to the local food bank to serve together.  

Not only will this bring your family closer together, but it will inevitably grow the seeds of generosity within your children. 

Stewardship involves the recognition that everything we are, everything we have and everything we can do - is a gift.  A precious gift from God and one bought at a price.  

The best gift that we as parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, all of us can give - is to teach our children just how good "being good" can feel.  This way they will know the abundant joy that that those they are good to will feel themselves.


And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Memere' Boutin

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